The Only Two Things That Matter…
Hello Friend!
I was sitting in a Starbucks last Tuesday, watching a guy in a suit pace back and forth outside.
He was on his phone, animated, clearly upset about something work-related. His face was red. His free hand kept chopping the air like he was trying to physically cut through whatever problem he was dealing with.
I couldn't hear what he was saying, but I didn't need to. I've been that guy. You probably have too.
And here's what struck me: I guarantee you, whatever crisis he was navigating in that moment will be completely forgotten in six months. Maybe six weeks. Hell, maybe six days.
But the way he was treating his body? The stress hormones flooding his system, the elevated heart rate, the tension in his shoulders. That stuff compounds. That stuff matters.
This brings me to something Gary Vaynerchuk said that I can't stop thinking about:
“The secret to life is detachment from bullshit and deep attachment to love.”
Let me sit with that for a second.
Because most of us are living the inverse of that statement. We're deeply attached to the bullshit. The deadlines. The politics. The metrics. The optics.
And we're detached from the people and moments that actually matter.
What Are You Really Attached To?
Here's a question I ask my coaching clients that usually creates an uncomfortable silence:
If you looked at your calendar and credit card statement from the last 30 days, what would someone conclude you care about most?
Not what you say you care about. Not what you wish you cared about. What does your actual behavior say?
For a lot of high-performers, the answer is brutal. Because we've convinced ourselves that caring deeply about work is what makes us valuable. That being responsive, being "on it," being indispensable is the path to significance.
But here's the truth: Your company will replace you. Your inbox will refill. Your project will get reassigned.
The people you love? They can't be replaced. And the time you're trading away right now? You don't get it back.
The Midlife Reckoning
I talk to executives in their 40s and 50s who are starting to feel this. They've climbed. They've achieved. They've checked the boxes.
And now they're asking: What was it all for?
Not in a dramatic, existential crisis kind of way. More like a quiet, persistent whisper. The kind that shows up at 2am when you can't sleep. Or on a Sunday afternoon when you realize you don't actually know your kid's friend's name. Or when you're at dinner with your spouse and you literally cannot remember the last time you had a conversation that wasn't about logistics.
That whisper is asking: Am I attached to the right things?
Try This: The Detachment Audit
Here's something I want you to do this week. It's uncomfortable, but it works:
Step 1: Make a list of everything that stressed you out in the last 7 days.
Write it down. The budget variance. The difficult stakeholder. The delay in shipping. The passive-aggressive email. All of it.
Step 2: For each item, ask: “Will this matter in 5 years?”
Be honest. Most of it won't. And the stuff that truly matters like your health, your relationships, and your integrity probably aren’t even on the list.
Step 3: Identify one thing you're going to emotionally detach from this week.
Not ignore. Not abandon. Just... detach. Stop letting it rent space in your head. Stop checking it compulsively. Stop letting it dictate your mood.
Step 4: Now, make a second list. Who are the 10-15 people you actually care about most?
Parents. Partner. Kids. Close friends. The people who, if something happened to them tomorrow, your world would stop.
Step 5: Do one small thing this week to deepen attachment with one person on that list.
Not a transaction. Not a calendar invite. A real moment. A phone call. A question you've never asked. A memory you want to create.
That's it. That's the whole practice.
The Professional Freedom Paradox
Here's what's wild: when you start practicing detachment from the professional bullshit, something shifts.
You stop operating from fear and scarcity. You stop making decisions to protect your ego or your title. You start seeing things more clearly.
And that clarity? It changes everything.
Because when you're not clinging so tightly to what is, you can finally see what could be. You notice the misalignments. The places where you're trading too much for too little. The gaps between what you say matters and how you actually spend your time.
The irony is that the thing you thought was keeping you stable (caring so damn much about everything) is actually what's keeping you stuck. When you're running on fumes, when you're reactive and stressed and brittle, you can't see the bigger picture. You can't imagine a different path.
But when you're grounded in what actually matters? That's when you get honest about what needs to change.
Live Fuller. Love What You Do.
Detach from the bullshit. Attach to the love.
That's the whole game.
P.S. If this hit home, I'd love to hear what you're working on detaching from this week. Send an email to: chris@peoplebeforethings.co (not .com) and tell me. Sometimes just naming it out loud makes it easier to let go. I read every response.
