We're our own biggest obstacle…
Hello Friend!
I’ve been thinking about what happened to me in Vermont this week… a lot.
Not just to me. But to the eleven other men who showed up carrying the weight of everyone else’s expectations.
This was the trip I shared with you last Saturday. Going off the grid. Finally taking advantage of the personal freedom I’ve worked so hard to gain.
The group included someone like you.
There were leaders. Executives. People who’ve built their identity around being the person others can count on.
We were all grappling with Chapter 2 of our life and work. How to create meaning. Be present. Intentional.
Most importantly, how to stop sleepwalking through our own lives: connecting with the people you love, seeing things that are mostly unseen, and knowing you aren’t leaving anything on the table.
This was a beautifully messy process. Our guide, Chris Robbins, was there every step of the way. Nudging us. Encouraging us. Supporting us.
You might need this, too.
And just in case you do, I want to share some key takeaways that might help. Quotes that I heard around the campfire, dinner table, and hiking trails.
These were hard-earned insights that emerged when successful men got honest about what's really holding them back.
1. “Stop asking questions to things you already know the answer to.” You overthink and over analyze. Instinctually, you know what needs to happen in your life, but something prevents you from moving forward.
As an example, you might feel “flat” in your career. Working on things that don’t inspire you and aren’t aligned to your passions. You know you need to make change happen… but you keep asking yourself, “Should I leave this job?” Over and over and over.
The truth? You're not seeking clarity. You're seeking permission. Stop asking. Start acting. Try following your heart for once.
2. “There are no closed doors we don’t close ourselves.” Even when you’re on the cusp of following your dreams, you stop. You worry about financial security. Or ruminate on what would happen if the world rejected your ideas and new venture. You might even suffer from imposter syndrome. “I want to write a book, but I’m not an author.”
Most of your worries aren’t real. They're just stories you tell yourself. The book you want to write? You tell yourself you're not a real author. The business you want to start? You convince yourself the market won't get it.
All you need is the courage to take the next step. Not all the steps.
3. “I’m okay, and I’m going to be okay.” There’s a place in your brain that harbors negative thoughts. You host shame and regret, and you can’t forgive yourself for the things you’ve done or not done. And because of that, you might be spending more time looking in the rearview mirror than discovering your future.
Just remember: we’re all broken in some way. We’ve all been hurt. We’ve all experienced setbacks.
But you are more than the sum of all your highs and lows. If you accept you're okay and going to be okay, you'll actually give yourself permission to move forward with resolve and clarity.
You deserve more. Even if your brain is telling you that you don't.
4. “Wax on. Wax off. Chop wood. Carry Water.” Everything we want in life requires work. Energy. Persistence. Even the things aligned to your passions still require attention to the routine and mundane. Embrace this. Your life won’t get easier. You’ll just get stronger.
Listen, the reason you subscribe to the One Step Closer newsletter is that you want more for your life and work. You want personal and professional freedom.
But what I learned this week in Vermont is that we can be our biggest obstacle. We allow limiting beliefs and unnecessary dramas to get in the way.
I'll be honest. I spent the first day with crippling self-doubt. Everyone else seemed to have "real" problems while I felt like a whiner.
But that was my limiting belief talking. The story that I didn't deserve support unless I was suffering enough. Sound familiar?
This is what "living fuller" actually means… not adding more to your plate, but finally having the courage to clear it of everything that isn't truly yours.
Treat this newsletter as your wake up call. It doesn’t have to be this way.
Ask yourself: What do I want most in my life and work that I don’t have now?
That's it. Just one question.
Because here's what I learned watching those men in Vermont: we already know our answers. We're just afraid to admit them out loud.
Send me your answer. I read every single response.
P.S. For the men reading this, consider the men’s retreat I just attended. I don’t get paid for this. I’m sharing it because Chris Robbins truly changed my trajectory.
